As I frequently do between 3 and 4 AM, I found myself running lines of prose through
my semi-lucid brain, watching them come and go serially one after the other. Normally
that’s not enough to keep me awake. I just let them go, until I start stringing
them together into concepts. Then I reach the point where I have to get out of
bed and fire up the laptop.
I spent the better part of the
last two weekends producing a new trailer for CHAIN OF EVIDENCE, although I did manage to slice out a bit of time for little
ghosts & goblins prowling the neighborhood last Saturday night. The old trailer
was okay, but it didn’t have the pop I thought it should. Then I had the
idea to produce a trailer that was more along the lines of a commercial; you
know, like those you hear promoting Patterson or King’s new novel booming from the
car’s speakers, by an announcer with a deep voice accompanied by a riveting dramatic
score.
Yeah … that'll cost.
I can hear the cash register now.
Cha-Ching!
I can hear the cash register now.
Cha-Ching!
There’s a ton of royalty-free material on the internet ranging from music to photos to videos, and even if some cost a few bucks, the prices are not prohibitive; so why run radio commercials when social media is free for the most part. I have an okay voice; at least Maggie says I do—says it’s sexy. I don’t know about all that, but what I hear in my head compared to what
I hear on a recording are two different voices. However, I found that early in the
morning my voice is a bit deeper, so I decided to get up before everyone else, when the house
was quiet, and do the whole thing myself.
But I digress.
I decided to use the first scene from
the book. I found a two-minute dramatic score that I could match to the cadence
of the writing, and breaking the sound bites into smaller, more manageable “clips”
worked out well, but I found I had to edit the prose to make it really pop! There’s nothing like a little editing to reveal a better way to write a
line or two of prose.
I’ve been working with an editor
on my current effort, and he pointed something out that just made all the
difference regarding the power of the written word, that intangible element
that keeps readers turning pages, something every writer strives for. And it’s
so simple.
Writers tend to write the way
they talk to some degree. When we tell a story to a group of friends, we list
all the elements, and then summarize for their benefit, just to insure they get
the gist of the story. He pointed out that I do the same thing when I write.
I offer it here.
The Example:
I made my way to the exit
and listened for the sounds that I expected to hear. Frantic cries for help
among a cacophony of confusion. And when I heard them, I turned to look
as anyone might. I watched the bouncers push through the crowd, saw them knock
people aside as they rushed to her. And among the music and the screaming, the
dancing and the panic, I knew what the bouncers did not. I knew she was dead
before she hit the floor.
Now remove the last, summarizing,
sentence:
I made my way to the exit
and listened for the sounds that I expected to hear. Frantic cries for help
among a cacophony of confusion. And when I heard them, I turned to look
as anyone might. I watched the bouncers push through the crowd, saw them knock
people aside as they rushed to her. And among the music and the screaming, the
dancing and the panic, I knew what the bouncers did not.
THIS … is where the power is.
In the first example, the antagonist
is telling the reader that he knows what the bouncers do not. At this point, the reader doesn't know either, but then, the writer (me) blows it and lets the reader in on
it, destroying the tension the passage has built. Curiosity lost. Ho-hum …
where’s my bookmark?
It’s a cool line ‘n all, but it kills
the edge-of-your-seat mood. Maybe the reader turns the page, maybe he doesn’t.
Maybe he inserts a book mark and goes to bed, and that’s tragic for a thriller
writer.
So, I removed that line from the
trailer, and if I decide to publish a next edition, I’ll remove it from the
novel as well.
I’d love to know what you think of the trailer.
Drop me a line at db_corey@hotmail.com, or just leave a
comment.
I like those too.
Best Regards,
DB
Email - db_corey@hotmail.com
Website - www.dbcorey.com
Twitter - @dbcorey
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